Osama bin Laden steals headlines from immigration protesters - yet again

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-03

Los Angeles, CA -- Less than 24 hours after thousands of immigrant rights advocates staged rallies in cities across the US during the annual May Day protests, news reports flooded the airwaves with the news that 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden had been killed by Navy SEALs forces in Pakistan [MORE]

Cheese trafficking from Mexico to the US surpasses drug trafficking

By ONANTZIN News

2011-04-30

LOS ANGELES, CA -- The United States Department of Justice reported today that illegal cheese trafficking by Mexicans into the US generates more money than all illegal drugs – combined [MORE]

Tall Latinas Boycott Mexican music

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-16

Chicago, IL -- In a show of strength today, the group "Tall and Beautiful" staged protests against Mexican music across Mexico and several cities in the US [MORE]

Narco Corrido artist "El Chacaloso" being detained in Guantanamo Bay

By ONANTZIN News

2011-04-30

Washington, DC -- The Central Intelligence Agency says they're not taking any chances with "El Chacaloso de Durango", the Narco Corrido Artist whose smash new singles "Mis Nukes Terrorizan" (My nukes terrorize) and " 'Pa que los quiero vivos" (Why do I want them alive) make the bold claim that he can terrorize any government entity in Mexico and the United States with nuclear weapons that he acquired from Iran [MORE]

Mexico's candy industry announces the removal of lead from its candy

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-17

Los Angeles, CA -- Mexico's highly lucrative candy industry is set to begin removing lead from all its candy products, a spokesperson for the industry announced this morning [MORE]

El Cucuy releases new book, sets the record straight

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-18

Miami, FL -- Inspired by the award winning 2010 documentary, "El Cucuy: the other side of fear", which set award records across the United States and Latin America, El Cucuy, children's most feared figure in Latin America and parts of the United States, announced the release of his autobiography this morning in an interview with Despierta America [MORE]

Mexicano "Se Aguita"

By ONANTZIN News

2011-04-20

Los Angeles, CA -- One year ago today in Inglewood California, Antonio Reyes' life underwent a drastic change [MORE]

Arizona bans Cinco de Mayo, says it's dangerous holiday that came into the US illegally

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-05

Los Angeles, CA -- Arizona, the hater state that brought you SB1070 and the anti-immigration spectacle that followed, is making headlines once again with it's passage of SB5511, a bill that bans Cinco de Mayo and makes it a felony to drink imported beer from Mexico on that day [MORE]

The day after Cinco de Mayo: the good, the bad, and the French

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-06

Los Angeles, CA -- Now that the Cinco de Mayo celebrations are over and people are turning to their favored remedy to treat the hangover, we look at some of the things that are happening across the US and the world as a result of yesterday's celebrations [MORE]

Top Rank looks beyond Mosley

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-07

Las Vegas, NV -- Just hours before Manny Pacquiao and Sugar Shane Mosley squared off in their mega fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Top Rank Promotions announced that they were already looking past Mosley and had reached an agreement to fight the undisputed, 101 time world champion, Chuck - "The Chuckster" - Norris [MORE]

Laker fans convinced their team can come back from 0-4 deficit against the Mavericks

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-09

Los Angeles, CA -- Following the Lakers' game 4 crushing defeat against the Dallas Mavericks, Laker fans across Los Angeles said they were still convinced that their team could overcome a 0-4 deficit and defeat the Mavericks [MORE]

President Obama confident Latinos will once again believe his lies on immigration reform

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-10

Los Angeles, CA -- With the politics of his presidential re-election looming, President Barack Obama has decided that it's time to revisit the immigration issue and con gullible Latinos into supporting him once again [MORE]

Greedy corporations caught in Mother's Day plot to profit from immigrants

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-11

Los Angeles, CA -- Reporters at the LA Times have uncovered a clandestine operation run by greedy American corporations, which paid human smugglers (also known as "Coyotes") to pick up arriving immigrants on the US side of the border and drop them off, unbeknownst to the immigrants, in random states across the US [MORE]

Wedding reception turns ugly

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-13

During their wedding reception last weekend at Luigi's Diner in Fontana, California, Jose and Ana Carrillo were humiliated as they witnessed a simple gaffe turn their perfect wedding reception into chaos [MORE]

Hispanic name José loses popularity: experts call it assimilation, others call it dummyfication

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-19

Austin, Texas -- Recent data released by the Social Security Administration suggests that the name José has become just another boring name to avoid, according to experts [MORE]

Mildred Baena enlists the help of Mario Almada to protect her from the Terminator

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-20

Los Angeles, CA -- God knows what outrageous lies Arnold Schwarzenegger told Mildred Baena in order to get her in bed 14 years ago, but according to those close to Mildred, she is convinced that the Sperminator can time travel and is petrified that he will attempt to travel to 1960s Guatemala and kill her before she is born [MORE]

The world ends today... maybe

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-21

Los Angeles, CA -- Apparently, the world is supposed to end today, but so far, the rapture has been very uneventful [MORE]

Oscar De La Hoya enters rehab facility to treat pan dulce addiction

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-22

East Los Angeles, CA -- Former boxing champion and Olympic gold medalist Oscar De La Hoya has checked himself into a rehab facility, according to ESPN [MORE]

Monkey with mental disorder announces his candidacy for the presidency: joins the pool of Republican contenders

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-23

Los Angeles, CA -- Following a recent outburst of complete nonsense by Pepi the Monkey, where he went on a rant about big government gone bananas, immigrant criminals stealing his food, shitty Middle Eastern countries killing his simian brothers, and stupid unions ruining his education, captivated Republican and Tea Party groups convinced the unapologetic monkey to launch his official bid for the presidency [MORE]

California Republican caught vandalizing Navy ship recently named after Cesar Chavez

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-24

Rep Duncan Hunter, a member of the House Armed Services Committee, has been arrested for vandalizing a US Navy cargo ship that was recently named after Cesar Chavez, the late founder of United Farm Workers and former member of the US Navy [MORE]

EEOC Sues Starbucks For Firing Hispanic Dwarf

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-25

EL Paso, TX -- The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) filed suit against Starbucks in Federal District Court in El Paso, alleging Starbucks fired Martin "El Enano" Jimenez Gonzalez in violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) [MORE]

Obama branded 'El Pinche Negro' by Mexico's Secret Service, 'El Negro Jose' by Honduras'

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-26

Los Angeles, CA -- Not to be outdone by reports that the British Secret Service's codename for Obama was 'smart aleck' during his visit to Britain this week, several Latin American countries were quick to release their own codenames given to the president when he last visited [MORE]

Supreme Court upholds strict Arizona immigration law, causing Latino's 'Encabronado' level to rise to Orange

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-27

Tucson, AZ -- The nation's 'Encabronado' level, a measure of how pissed off Latinos are with the blatant discrimination against them in this country, was raised to Orange yesterday following news that the Supreme Court upheld Arizona's immigration law to allow the state, and others, to penalize businesses that hire illegal immigrants [MORE]

Kraft Aims Kool-Aid Ads at Growing Hispanic Market; It Appears No One Told Them About Horchata and Tampico

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-30

Los Angeles, CA -- In yet another example of American Companies' greed and ignorance towards Hispanics, Kool-Aid announced that it had allocated the majority of its 2011 marketing budget to reach Hispanics [MORE]

NBA Finals Misery: 7 Years Later, Shaquille O'Neal Says He Still Suffers From Post Traumatic Kobe Disorder

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-31

Los Angeles, CA -- Just a few hours before the 2011 NBA Finals commence in Miami, Shaquille O'Neal opened up for the first time in 15 years and revealed to ESPN that he undergoes therapy once a week during the regular season, and twice a week during the NBA Finals to treat what has been described by his psychologist as Post Traumatic Kobe Disorder [MORE]

NBA Considers Canceling the Rest of the NBA Finals and Giving the Trophy Directly to the Miami Heat

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-31

Miami, FL -- After seeing Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh single-handedly crush the Dallas Mavericks in game 1 of the NBA Finals, the NBA is considering whether or not it should just cancel the rest of the games and give the trophy directly to the Miami Heat [MORE]

Labor Secretary Hilda Solis gives another speech on immigration reform - because that's about all she can do

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-01

Los Angeles, CA -- Events on immigration reform are being held throughout the year by Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis [MORE]

Wine Industry aims to attract more Latinos, because we don't have enough drinking problems as it is

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-02

Following in the footsteps of shameless Kool-Aid, it appears the wine industry is the next greed filled group to rush into the increasing Latino market to exploit and make a profit [MORE]

Tequila Party kicks off - chooses dog named Obamentirosito as its mascot

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-03

Tucson, AZ -- In response to the Tea Party, eccentric Hispanic Arizonians have made up their own movement, called the Tequila Party [MORE]

Gold Cup opener creates backlash against beer advertisements

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-06

Los Angeles, CA -- While fathers, sons, and daughters celebrate Mexico's dominant win over El Salvador in this weekend's Gold Cup match, many Latina mothers are outraged at advertisers for their culture of "disrespect and profit-driven recklessness" towards their husbands and kids [MORE]

Republicans want to run a credit check on people before letting them have a child

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-07

Los Angeles, CA -- Republicans in the House of Representatives say they have a solution to help the economy and the country as a whole [MORE]

Sarah Palin ready to prove she's smarter than a 5th grader

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-08

Los Angeles, CA -- These past few days, Sarah Palin spent a considerable amount of time defending the accuracy of her remarks regarding Paul Revere's midnight ride - remarks that were, for the most part, erroneous(i [MORE]

Jerry Brown wants to enter California into a cundina to solve budget problems

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-09

Los Angeles, CA -- More and more, it's becoming clear to Jerry Brown that no one likes his one-dimensional budget proposal to extend the tax increases put in place in 2009 [MORE]

Newt Gingrich refuses to abandon sinking ship: looks for help from day laborers

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-10

Los Angeles, CA -- Newt Gingrich's 2012 bid for the presidency is in disarray [MORE]

Latino groups battle to define the most dangerous place for a Latino: inside the womb, or inside a jumper

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-13

Los Angeles, CA -- Liberal Latinos are entrenched in a divisive battle with conservative Latinos over what to consider the most dangerous place for a Latino child: inside a pregnant mother's womb, or inside a neglected party jumper [MORE]

Maker of 'Chili Con Carne With Beans' releases 'Chili Con Carne With Beans Y Tortillas Plus Cheese' in a can

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-14

Austin, TX -- Chef-mate, maker of 'Chili Con Carne With Beans', has released a new all-purpose combination dish to specifically target the rapidly growing Hispanic market [MORE]

Desperate Obama visits Puerto Rico to woo Puerto Ricans, plans follow up trip to Aztlan to woo Mexicans

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-15

Miami, FL -- Unable to fulfill any of his campaign promises to Latinos in the US (due to a number of reasons, including pesky Republicans constantly hiding the pens in the oval office to prevent him from signing any meaningful Latino legislation) Obama has now resorted to plan B: Visit Latinos' country of origin, kiss a few brown babies, close his eyes and tap his heels twice, and hope that the trips reignite his Latino support, or lack thereof [MORE]

Fat Joe sheds 88 pounds of pure, grade-A manteca

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-16

New York, NY -- Rap artist Fat Joe is sporting a new look after shedding 88 pounds of pure manteca over the past few months [MORE]

Forget dignity: Anthony Weiner resigned because his twitter and facebook activity was going to be monitored

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-17

Former New York Rep [MORE]

Obama snubs high-ranking Hispanics, proving that he doesn't give a crap about them either

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-20

San Antonio, Texas -- Most Hispanics are well aware that Obama is just not that into them [MORE]

CONCACAF makes last minute change, says Gold Cup final will be played on Donovan's forehead instead of Rose Bowl

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-21

Pasadena, CA -- Overwhelmed by unprecedented demand for tickets to the Gold Cup Final on June 25th, CONCACAF announced this morning that they had come to an agreement with the four remaining teams to move the final game from the Rose Bowl to a venue with more capacity [MORE]

Arizona's SB1070 virus mutates, shows up in Georgia as stronger HB87 strain

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-22

Atlanta, GA -- SB1070, the virus that spread like wildfire through the state of Arizona in 2010 - leaving its inhabitants with an insatiable zombie-like hunger to devour illegal immigrants - has mutated into a more aggressive virulent strain that's hit the state of Georgia [MORE]

Honduran man beaten like a 'filthy Mexican' files lawsuit against Seattle, officers

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-23

Seattle, WA -- A Honduran man mistakenly given the habitual Mexican beat down by Seattle police filed a federal lawsuit Wednesday over the videotaped beating that sparked an uproar in the Central American community [MORE]

Telemundo hopes using HD cameras on novela is enough to get 'La Reyna del Sur' an Emmy

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-24

Los Angeles, CA -- Spanish-language TV has never won a Primetime Emmy in any of the major categories, but not because of a lack of effort on the part of the Spanish-language networks [MORE]

As a result of Mexico's Gold Cup win, 10 new states introduce strict immigration bills

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-27

Pasadena, CA -- Following the wild celebrations that ensued after Mexico defeated the US in Saturday's Gold Cup final, several states mobilized to make sure that this weekend's uncontrolled display of joy by immigrants doesn't spread beyond the borders of California [MORE]

Latino student drops out of school to protest the alarming number of Latinos dropping out of school

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-28

Fresno, CA -- A student activist from Fresno, CA dropped out of high school this week in order to more effectively protest the state's critical dropout rate among Latinos [MORE]

Deceitful study claims young Hispanic men are likely to end up jobless, imprisoned or dead

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-29

Los Angeles, CA -- According to a dishonest study by the College Board's Advocacy and Policy Center, Fifty-one percent of Hispanic male high school graduates ages 15-24 will end up unemployed, incarcerated or dead [MORE]

Univision's CEO position: The one job Hispanics would rather let a white guy have

By ONANTZIN News

2011-06-30

New York, NY -- Randy Falco was brimming with joy yesterday after beating out five Hispanics for the top job of CEO at Univision, the most popular Spanish-language television network [MORE]

Cigarette companies say that if they have to add 'poisonous' warning labels, so should Takis

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-01

Los Angeles, CA -- The Tobacco industry said this week that if the FDA is going to require cigarette boxes to reveal the poisonous extent of cigarettes, then the FDA should also order Takis chips to disclose to its customers that they are consuming pure poison when they eat the incredibly addictive chips [MORE]

Hispanic man ignites firework shaped like Virgen de Guadalupe

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-04

Inglewood, CA -- Eager to set off fireworks in the early hours of July 4, a Hispanic man from Inglewood, CA inadvertently blew up a firework that had the shape of the Virgen de Guadalupe [MORE]

Inner City fireworks bring down LAPD helicopter

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-05

South Los Angeles, CA -- The Los Angeles Police Department is searching for suspects after one of their helicopters was brought down by illegal fireworks last night in South Los Angeles [MORE]

Twitter Town Hall: Rambling Obama only answers 3 tweets, frustrates the hell out of everyone else

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-06

Washington, DC -- President Obama received thousands of questions via Twitter this afternoon in his latest technique to get his message to the public [MORE]

Exclusive: Day laborers outside Home Depot weigh in on Casey Anthony saga

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-07

Culver City, CA -- For the first time this week, day laborers outside a Home Depot shared their valuable opinion on the ongoing Casey Anthony saga that has gripped the entire nation [MORE]

Eccentric Chicano makes documentary about poor white people living in crappy trailer homes

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-08

Westwood, CA -- Tired of whites always making documentaries about poverty-stricken Hispanics, a Chicano student from UCLA spent the last two years filming dirt poor white people living in trashy trailer homes across the state of Missouri [MORE]

Royal disappointment: Prince William and Kate turn down invitation to eat tacos in the hood

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-11

East Los Angeles, CA -- La Opinion reports that during their visit to Los Angeles this weekend, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge turned down an invitation by East LA Raza to eat tacos in the hood - by the corner of Wilshire and Garfield in East LA [MORE]

Shocking news: MLB All-Star game carries on despite immigrant protesters wearing white ribbons

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-12

Phoenix, AZ -- Despite critics of Arizona's polarizing immigration law protesting with dangerously provocative white ribbons, Major League Baseball's All-Star Game carried on unfazed in downtown Phoenix [MORE]

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By ONANTZIN News

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Mexican drug lord, El Chapo Guzman, offers to help the US govt pay its national debt

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-14

Culiacan, Sinaloa -- Reporters at El Sol de Sinaloa have confirmed the authenticity of a letter they received from El Chapo Guzman this morning, which states that he is willing to help the US Government pay off its national debt in exchange for a few privileges along the I-35 corridor [MORE]

Study: Latino men are 10 times more likely than whites to get stabbed by their women

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-15

San Jose, CA -- A study conducted by the Center for Relationship Affairs found that Latino men between the ages of 19-30 are 10 times more likely than their white counterparts to get stabbed by their female partners [MORE]

Rupert Murdoch says if UK had its own version of the Patriot Act, he wouldn't be in this phone-hacking mess

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-18

London -- Rupert Murdoch was quick to apologize for the hacking scandal shaking his News Corporation media empire in the UK [MORE]

Drunk Mexican fights with wife then kicks her out of the house - his mother-in-law's house

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-19

Echo Park, CA -- A 34 year old Mexican from Echo Park has been arrested for domestic violence after kicking his wife out of her own mother's house, where the couple lives [MORE]

Compton, CA averts shutdown by laying off every single one of its employees

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-20

Compton, CA -- After hours of confusion and occasional discussions early Wednesday morning, the Compton City Council found a way to avert a shutdown by laying off all of the city's employees [MORE]

Juanita's Menudo brings California prisoner hunger strike to an end

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-21

San Francisco, CA -- Dozens of inmates at Pelican Bay State Prison ended a three-week hunger strike today after prison guards tempted them with irresistible menudo from Juanita [MORE]

Copa America tournament renamed Copa Empate-tica by CONMEBOL after lousy performances

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-22

Buenos Aires -- In a decision that's upset many soccer fanatics, CONMEBOL, the governing body that oversees the beautiful game in the South America, has decided to change the name of the Copa America to the Copa Empate-tica [MORE]

Secure Communities Act: keeping neighborhoods safe from the most dangerous illegal criminals

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-25

Los Angeles, CA -- The Secure Communities Act, which requires local authorities to share fingerprint information with federal immigration agents, has been wildly successful in deporting illegal immigrants convicted of the most heinous crimes [MORE]

Narco corrido bad boy, El Chacaloso, releases new album 'Pa que los quiero vivos'

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-26

Los Angeles, CA -- El Chacaloso de Durango, the controversial, unapologetic bad boy of the narco corrido world, is back on the scene with a brand new album, titled 'Pa que los quiero vivos' [MORE]

Jerry Brown gets hustled by Mexicans: loses wife and part of CA Dream Act in game of Conquian

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-27

Fresno, CA -- A day after Governor Jerry Brown signed AB130 into law, a bill that allows undocumented students to apply for $88 million in private scholarship funds, it was revealed that Gov [MORE]

Obama decides to play back previously recorded speech to National Council of La Raza

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-28

Washington D [MORE]

Chinese scientists shatter white people's dreams, prove that time travel is not possible

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-29

Chicago, IL -- In a report released this week, Chinese scientists delivered sobering news to white people when they announced that the white man's dream of colonizing the future through the use of time travel is not possible [MORE]

Osama bin Laden communicates from the afterlife

By ONANTZIN News

2011-05-04

Los Angeles, CA -- Undisclosed sources have revealed that 2 days after his death, Osama bin Laden reached out from the afterlife and said that 3 of the 72 virgins awarded to him are educated Latinas, who refuse to do what he says and [rightfully so] have been giving him hell since he got there [MORE]

Native Americans to Obama: when will black man learn not to negotiate with the white man

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-02

Washington, DC -- Following President Obama's disastrous compromise with Republicans over the debt ceiling, Native Americans from reservations around the country reached out to the swindled president and offered him much needed words of wisdom regarding the white man's shrewd negotiation skills and tactics [MORE]

Comic recession: spiderman protagonist, Peter Parker, loses job to a Latino

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-03

Los Angeles, CA -- In the latest sign that illegal immigration is hurting American jobs, spiderman became the first superhero to lose his job to a Latino [MORE]

Dow falls 500 points: worst day for rich people since 2008

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-04

New York, NY -- The Dow Jones Industrial Average, a measure of how efficiently rich people make money off the backs of the poor, lost a whopping 512 points today over fears that a second recession might cause thousands of people to stop buying meaningless junk [MORE]

Chilean govt celebrates mining anniversary by burying rescued miners in dirt-poor poverty

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-05

Santiago, Chile -- One year to date since Chile's inspiring rescue operation, most of the 33 miners expressed tremendous gratitude to their government for carefully keeping them in crushing poverty as a way to ease the shock and trauma of being trapped in a mine for over 2 months [MORE]

President Obama secretly hoping for congress to impeach him

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-08

Washington, DC -- After going through a dismal week that culminated in the credit downgrade of the United States on Friday, it appears President Obama has flat out given up [MORE]

Verizon plans to offer free healthcare iPhone app to appease strikers

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-10

Mid-Atlantic, US -- After three days of costly strikes by more than 40,000 workers, Verizon communications announced a compromise that offers a free healthcare iPhone app to its disgruntled employees, whose purported rationale for the strike stems from inadequate health benefits [MORE]

George Lopez becomes E-Verify's latest victim

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-12

Los Angeles, CA -- One week after nationally syndicated radio host El Cucuy de la Mañana was exposed as an undocumented worker by E-Verify, George Lopez, host of TBS' Lopez Tonight show, became the latest victim of the federal government's system that lets employers verify the residency status of an employee [MORE]

Lost remote control forces Hispanic man to sit through 'Twilight: Eclipse' movie

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-15

Los Angeles, CA -- Unable to find the DirecTV remote control in his cluttered, junk-ridden room, a Hispanic man from Los Angeles, CA was forced to endure two hours of debilitating, mind-numbing dialogue from the "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" movie [MORE]

Mexican student takes devotion to Catholic church a bit too far: tries to poison pope opponents

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-17

MADRID -- According to Mexican principles, at least one trip to church each year, even if its for a quinceañera, is more than enough to show one's devotion to Catholicism; anything beyond that is borderline fanaticism [MORE]

Raider Nation condemns brawling fanatics for losing fight against 49er fans

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-22

Oakland, CA -- The Raiders are pursuing disciplinary action against three fans for fighting a group of 49er followers and losing - badly - during a preseason game on Saturday [MORE]

Republicans accuse Hurricane Irene of being anti-American - vow revenge against Mother Nature

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-26

New York, NY -- In a daring move today, Republicans denounced Hurricane Irene for being anti-American and vowed revenge if the storm system does not change it's projected trajectory across the Northeast [MORE]

Katt Williams' anti-Mexican tirade lands him a job with the Tea Party

By ONANTZIN News

2011-08-31

Phoenix, AZ -- Comedian Katt Williams' anti-Mexican rant during a comedy show on August 27 is said to have impressed Tea Party members so thoroughly, they want to hire him to do it full time [MORE]

De La Hoya disappoints: says drug filled past wasn't even fun

By ONANTZIN News

2011-07-02

Los Angeles, CA -- Former boxing champion Oscar De La Hoya's recent confession about his hidden world of drug and substance abusive did not make him any new fans [MORE]

Immigrant reflects on pre-911 America: recalls glorious days of loose border security and routine trips to Mexico

By ONANTZIN News

2011-09-10

New York, NY -- Ten years ago on Sept [MORE]

Mayweather's ex-wife says she helped him develop his sucker punch, demands compensation

By ONANTZIN News

2011-09-19

Las Vegas, NV -- Floyd Mayweather's battered ex-wife, Josie Harris, is suing the polarizing boxer for knocking out Victor Ortiz with the patented one-two sucker punch technique that she helped him perfect [MORE]

Report: Mexicans in the US are now poorer than Mexicans living in Mexico

By ONANTZIN News

2011-10-03

Los Angeles, CA -- Due to the economic recession that has plagued the US since 2008, Mexicans living in the country are now worse off than their counterparts living in Mexico, according to a report by the Center for Economic Prosperity (CEP) [MORE]

Ten reasons why immigrants should never have moved to Alabama in the first place

By ONANTZIN News

2011-10-11

While most people are upset with Alabama's overtly racist immigration law, we do not hold such judgment for our challenged friend down south [MORE]

Rich 1% lash out at Occupy Wall St protesters: say the rich control only 39% of the wealth, not 40%

By ONANTZIN News

2011-10-18

New York, NY -- Tired of poor people misrepresenting their wealth and power, billionaires from across the country spoke out against the Occupy Wall Street protesters and condemned them for perpetuating the lie that they control 40% of the US wealth, when, according to them, they control a meager 39% of America's wealth [MORE]

Diabetes calls Latinos, tells them to take it easy

By ONANTZIN News

2011-11-04

Los Angeles, CA -- According to millions of Latinos across the US, diabetes purportedly called them on November 2nd, after 2 full days of gluttonous sugar consumption from Halloween candy [MORE]

Herman Cain seeks sexual harassment advice from Kobe Bryant

By ONANTZIN News

2011-11-15

Miami, FL -- Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's campaign is trying enlisted the aid of fellow all-time sexual-harassment-pro Kobe Bryant to help Cain deal with the sexual harassment allegations brought against him by not one but three women, according to Fox News [MORE]

MEChA student accuses post office employees of eating his Thanksgiving tamales

By ONANTZIN News

2011-11-28

Providence, RI -- A college student who could not afford plane tickets to fly home for Thanksgiving is accusing the downtown Providence post office of purposely withholding – and subsequently eating – the delicious Thanksgiving tamales that his mother mailed to him from Salinas, California [MORE]

Jobless rate for Hispanics remains at 'chingao' rate

By ONANTZIN News

2011-12-04

Los Angeles, CA -- The Hispanic unemployment rate for November climbed to 11 [MORE]

Hispanic teen suffocates under four layers of San Marcos blankets

By ONANTZIN News

2011-12-19

Los Angeles, CA -- A warning has gone out to Hispanic parents cautioning them not to excessively layer their kids with thick San Marcos blankets after a teen that was covered with four such blankets suffocated to death this weekend [MORE]

Giant conchas raise concern among Hispanic parents

By ONANTZIN News

2012-01-11

Los Angeles, CA -- For the eighth time this month, an overweight kid was hospitalized due to severe intake of what's known to Hispanics as a supersized concha -- a soft blend of buttery sweet bread with a sugary cinnamon topping (known as the famous 'concha') that's been supersized to a portion big enough to feed an entire family [MORE]

CA Department of Corrections proposes taking over Department of Education in latest effort to curb spending

By ONANTZIN News

2012-06-01

Los Angeles, CA -- With the state of California facing severe budget deficits since 2008, state officials are becoming more and more desperate in their search to reduce spending [MORE]

Mario Almada's unlimited-ammo gun goes up for auction on eBay

By ONANTZIN News

2012-07-31

Los Angeles, CA -- After months of speculation, legendary Mexican gunman Mario Almada announced that his epic [MORE]

Mexican border officials concerned that recent gun violence in the U.S. could spill over into Mexico

By ONANTZIN News

2012-08-31

Mexico City, MX -- In light of the recent mass-shootings in the United States, Mexico's border enforcement agency is tightening security along the US-Mexico border in an effort to keep America's senseless gun violence from crossing over into the country [MORE]

Los Tigres del Norte change their name to The Northern Kitties to appeal to a younger audience

By ONANTZIN News

2012-09-07

Austin, TX -- Following dismal record sales and poor concert turnout among the new generation of bilingual Hispanics in the US, Los Tigres del Norte announced that they would be changing their name to The Northern Kitties in an attempt to recapture their young fan base [MORE]

Arizona releases new "Deport Your Neighbor" iPhone app

By ONANTZIN News

2012-10-01

Phoenix, AZ -- Want to deport your neighbor? We have an app for that, says the state of Arizona, which today released the first-ever iPhone app that allows suspicious residents to sniff-out undocumented neighbors and deport them [MORE]

Due to gas hikes, CA motorists are finding it cheaper to hire day laborers to push their vehicles

By ONANTZIN News

2012-10-07

Los Angeles, CA -- In response to record-high gas prices in California, many motorists across the state (especially those who own gas-guzzling vehicles) have begun abandoning gas pumps, choosing instead to pay day laborers to push their vehicles [MORE]

"Romnesia" declared a candidate diagnosis for the much awaited DMS-V

By ONANTZIN News

2012-10-25

Austin, TX -- Last week President Obama took a jab at republican candidate Mitt Romney by pointing out that there should be a medical term for Romney’s amnesia-like condition [MORE]

Man hoping to avoid Black Friday stampede gets trampled by runaway circus camel

By ONANTZIN News

2012-11-24

Glendale, CA -- In an ironic twist of fate, a man hoping to avoid the reckless stampede of Black Friday shoppers was trampled by a runaway circus camel as he waited in the Glendale Galleria parking lot while his daughter looked for doorbuster deals [MORE]

Republicans willing to raise taxes on the rich if poor people agree to move out of Ohio

By ONANTZIN News

2012-12-06

Washington, DC -- Unable to come to an agreement with president Obama over how to avoid the fiscal cliff, republicans have opted to try and negotiate directly with the American people [MORE]

Monsanto's GMO profit in Latin America brings company closer to its goal of giving cancer to 1 billion people by 2018

By ONANTZIN News

2013-01-14

Los Angeles, CA -- Monsanto Co's fiscal first-quarter profit nearly tripled on sales of genetically modified organisms in Latin America, boosting the company's outlook and giving it confidence that it can reach its goal of giving cancer to one billion people by 2018 [MORE]

Mexican immigrant sues his parents for illegally bringing him to the U.S. when he was a baby

By ONANTZIN News

2013-02-05

Los Angeles, CA -- Emboldened by his new status as a quasi-American thanks to Obama's deferred action program, a Southern California teen is taking his parents to court for illegally bringing him into the U [MORE]

LAPD to receive training from cholos on how to bring down unarmed suspects without killing them

By ONANTZIN News

2013-05-27

San Fernando, CA -- Following an incident in which LAPD officers killed a man wielding a tree branch the size of a baseball bat, the Los Angeles Police Department has formed a new partnership with street cholos to receive training on how to bring down unarmed suspects without having to kill them [MORE]

Canelo breaks up with girlfriend after finding out she bet $10K on Mayweather

By ONANTZIN News

2013-09-15

Las Vegas, NV -- Soon after being defeated by Floyd "Money" Mayweather in the ring, Saul "Canelo" Alvarez is said to have broken up with girlfriend Cynthia Rodriguez for being disloyal and betting against him in Saturday's Pay-per-view match [MORE]

Donald Trump's combover cuts ties with Donald Trump

By ONANTZIN News

2015-07-03

Los Angeles, CA -- Donald Trump's downward spiral continued today as his ever-dependable combover announced that it was cutting ties with the real estate giant following his racist comments against Mexicans [MORE]

Fireworks show coming from narco's house far more impressive than city's, say residents

By ONANTZIN News

2015-07-06

Los Angeles, CA -- Thousands of LA residents were treated to an extraordinary display of fireworks by the local neighborhood drug traffickers, who brought out all the tricks during their 4TH of July celebration [MORE]

Confederate flag asked to be buried next to Jim Crow and Uncle Tom

By ONANTZIN News

2015-07-25

Columbia, South Carolina -- Before being put to death, South Carolina's confederate flag is said to have made a final request to be buried next to its favorite racist, Jim Crow, and its favorite slave, Uncle Tom [MORE]

Mexican president commissions his own narco-corrido in hopes of raising approval rating

By ONANTZIN News

2015-08-10

Mexico City, MX -- After watching his approval rating sink to Donald Trump levels amongst Mexicans, president Enrique Peña Nieto is turning to narco-corridos in the hopes that the genre can give him a boost in popularity by highlighting his many exploits against those who have stood in his way [MORE]

Immigrants: 5 ways to survive an attack by pendejo Trump supporters

By ONANTZIN News

2015-08-24

1) If you're outnumbered, run, cabron, just like you would from a wild animal

2) If you think you can take the guy, partele su madre, it's self defense anyway

3) If you can't run or fight back, call out for El Chapulin Colorado

4) If El Chapulin doesn't show up, call out for El Chapo

5) If El Chapo doesn't help either, you're fucked [MORE]

NBC invites Mexican actor Antonio Banderas to host SNL in effort to apologize to Mexicans for letting Donald Trump host show

By ONANTZIN News

2015-11-12

Los Angeles, CA -- NBC wants Mexicans to know that the decision to let Donald Trump host SNL was not personal [MORE]

Dean who told Honduran student to go back to Mexico fired for not knowing her geography

By ONANTZIN News

2015-11-29

Los Angeles, CA -- The dean of students at Clearview McKinley College was fired this past Thursday after embarrassing the Southern California college with her display of geographic ignorance during a forum to address concerns that the college overlooks issues affecting students of color [MORE]

Mexico and China engage in sweatshop-worker exchange program

By ONANTZIN News

2015-12-14

Mexico City, Mexico -- In an effort to infuse the local sweatshop workforce with a jolt of creativity from foreign workers, Mexico and China have announced a deal that will enable them to swap sweatshop workers across a number of industries, including those in apparel, toys, and packaging [MORE]

Flint residents exposed to levels of lead only seen in Mexicans who eat Lucas Chili Powder and other Mexican candy

By ONANTZIN News

2016-01-31

Flint MI, -- Residents of Flint Michigan may have been unaware that they were drinking lead-tainted water, but there's a group of people in the United States that willingly swallows lead on a daily basis [MORE]

Mexicana deports paisa boyfriend after he threatens to leave her for a rancherita

By ONANTZIN News

2016-02-21

El Monte, CA -- Mexicans get deported all the time, but none do so more spectacularly than 28-year-old paisa Jimmy Jimenez from El Monte California, who was deported by his girlfriend, Andrea Gomez, after he threatened to leave her for a traditional rancherita from the state of Zacatecas [MORE]

Caribbean cruise line to include on-site dialysis center to attract Hispanics

By ONANTZIN News

2016-02-29

Miami, FL -- Noting a link between diabetes and the drop in Hispanic families going on vacation, a Caribbean cruise line has announced that it will be including an on-site dialysis center in the hopes of encouraging Hispanics to plan a cruise and bring along their loved ones suffering from kidney failure [MORE]

Mexican gardener local hero after mowing "Chinga tu madre" message on pro-Trump lawn

By ONANTZIN News

2016-03-08

Santa Monica, CA -- Local gardener Pablito Flores has received the prestigious "Gardener of the Month" award after he tore down his clients pro-Trump lawn and carefully mowed the words "Chinga tu madre" on the fresh, uncut grass [MORE]

Hispanic dad gives son surprise Quinceañera to encourage him to come out of closet

By ONANTZIN News

2016-04-22

Los Angeles, CA -- When high school freshman Javier Trujillo asked for a pair of skinny jeans for his 15th birthday, his father's longstanding suspicion that Javier is gay had come true [MORE]

Hillary visits immigration detention center to wave goodbye at minors being deported

By ONANTZIN News

2016-05-30

Tucson, AZ -- Hillary Clinton took time off her busy schedule to visit one of the nation's most crowded immigration detention centers for an opportunity to greet and say goodbye to a group of undocumented children being sent back to Honduras [MORE]

Trump proposes building wall with piles of undocumented immigrants

By ONANTZIN News

2017-04-30

Los Angeles, CA -- Mexico's refusal to pay for the border wall and stiff opposition to fund the project (now estimated to cost 25 billion) has caused President Donald Trump to pivot to a radical alternative that he says would cost a fraction of the price [MORE]