Arizona bans Cinco de Mayo, says it's dangerous holiday that came into the US illegally
Warns nation that illegal holiday is part of bigger conspiracy by "La Raza" to take over the Southwest
By ONANTZIN News
2011-05-05
Los Angeles, CA -- Arizona, the hater state that brought you SB1070 and the anti-immigration spectacle that followed, is making headlines once again with it's passage of SB5511, a bill that bans Cinco de Mayo and makes it a felony to drink imported beer from Mexico on that day. The punishment varies, with those found drinking Tecate or Sol facing up to 30 days in prison, those drinking Dos Equis or Modelo facing up to 60 days, and those caught drinking Corona facing up to 120 days in the can.
Arizona State Senator Russell Pearce - author of both SB1070 and SB5511 - said, during a televised interview with Wolf Blitzer's beard, that the Cinco de Mayo holiday made it's way into the country illegally, and is part of a greater conspiracy by "La Raza" - a radicalized Hispanic organization - to take over the Southwest and rename it Aztlan. Their goal, he said, is to get everyone - especially border and ICE agents - drunk on Cinco de Mayo, which will enable them to execute their master plan. According to Senator Pearce's figures, which he read from a piece of paper pulled out of his ass, the number of border and ICE agents that get drunk on Cinco de Mayo is at 96%, a figure that has increased every year since the holiday crossed the border into America. He predicted that by 2012, that number could reach 100% and "La Raza" would subsequently initiate its diabolical plan to reclaim parts of the US.
Supporters of the bill, hereafter referred to as "Republicans", warned the nation of "La Raza's" threat, and asked other states to take similar initiatives to ban the holiday. They caution that the masterminds behind the Cinco de Mayo conspiracy have thus far been able to keep their surreptitious plans undetected by purposely confusing people of Cinco de Mayo's real significance. They cite a recent USA Today/Gallup Poll that found 9 out of 10 Americans think Cinco de Mayo celebrates the birth of Corona beer, while 6 out of 10 regular Latinos think it celebrates Mexico's second independence. The rest of the people, the poll found, don't know what the holiday celebrates, and could care less – their objective being to simply get drunk and, if possible, to get laid.
The news of the bill is sure to raise tensions and cause controversy all over the US; but, not today, since most Americans will be too distracted with the thought of booze and ass to research what "La Raza" is up to, or notice unscrupulous politicians passing yet another ludicrous bill.
