Desperate Obama visits Puerto Rico to woo Puerto Ricans, plans follow up trip to Aztlan to woo Mexicans
By ONANTZIN News
2011-06-15
Miami, FL -- Unable to fulfill any of his campaign promises to Latinos in the US (due to a number of reasons, including pesky Republicans constantly hiding the pens in the oval office to prevent him from signing any meaningful Latino legislation) Obama has now resorted to plan B: Visit Latinos' country of origin, kiss a few brown babies, close his eyes and tap his heels twice, and hope that the trips reignite his Latino support, or lack thereof.
Hence, his visit to Puerto Rico on Tuesday this week. Although, things for the president did not necessarily go as planned. For starters, someone should have told Obama that a mere 4 hours in Puerto Rico was not going to cut it; you need to have more sense than that, Mr President; 4 hours? That's not even long enough to dance a full salsa song, let alone traverse the island, eat some tostones, and drink some authentic rum to woo Latinos back home.
Apart from the insulting 4 hours on the island, however, Obama made another - even bigger - mistake during the critical baby-kissing part of the trip. The images of Obama kissing a brown baby would surely remind not just Puerto Ricans, but also other Latinos of Obama's unwavering affection and support for Latinos. Unfortunately, Obama's careless team lost track of the brown baby in the crowd and accidentally let the wrong baby through to the president's arms. Left without a choice, Obama was caught on camera kissing a white Puerto Rican baby – 100% Latino, don't get us wrong, but white nonetheless, which is sure to be misinterpreted by people and the media.
"Someone should have just told Obama that Puerto Ricans in the US don't really like Puerto Ricans from the island(and vice versa) to begin with – that would have saved the president a lot of time and embarrassment", said Karim Sanchez, a Puerto Rican living in Miami.
In an attempt to put a positive spin on the disastrous trip, which helped Obama with Latinos as much as he has helped them, the Obama team issued a statement saying that the trip to Puerto Rico was very productive.
Next up is Aztlan, according to the Obama team, where the president hopes to spend a full 8 hours to try and woo Mexicans in the US. First, however, the team said they would have to find the actual location of Aztlan, because they haven't been able to find it on their map. 'Interesting', said one of Obama's cabinet members, 'we were positive that if we didn't find Aztlan in a US made map of Mexico, that we'd find it in a Mexican map of Mexico'.
