Trump proposes building wall with piles of undocumented immigrants
By ONANTZIN News
2017-04-30
Los Angeles, CA --
Mexico's refusal to pay for the border wall and stiff opposition to fund the project (now estimated to cost 25 billion) has caused President Donald Trump to pivot to a radical alternative that he says would cost a fraction of the price.
To avoid paying for building materials and manual labor, Trump wants to harness the raw manpower of 11 million immigrants to not only build his wall, but to be the wall. In rough sketches that the president drew himself, he shows how up to 1 million immigrants would be put to work on the wall, for free. They wouldn't need expensive building materials either. Instead, they would build the wall by using bulldozers to pile the remaining 10 million immigrants on top of each other, until a 2,000-mile wall is formed.
"Most people don't know this, but I read chemistry and know that when you pile people together, if you get the angles and positioning correctly, the natural heat and sweat produced by people's bodies forms an adhesive bond between them that is as strong as cement," stated Mr. Trump.
There are many technical challenges that need to be addressed, but the president is confident that they can all be resolved. First is the matter of rounding up 11 million immigrants and getting them to agree to this. After all, forcing them into this would represent a serious violation of their human rights. To get them to agree, Mr. Trump has proposed the following: the 1 million immigrants that would work for free on the wall would be given automatic citizenship after completion of the wall. As for the other 10 million immigrants who would make up the wall, they would get automatic citizenship after being part of the wall for five years, at which time they would be replaced by a new immigrant recently arrived in the country.
Once built, there's also the challenge of keeping 10 million people alive. These maintenance costs, however, would be minimal according to Mr. Trump. A tanker truck holding up to 11,600 gallons of water would be used to drive along the wall and spray water at the immigrants. This would allow the immigrants to drink water as well as reinforce the adhesive bonds between them, and since water is practically free, the cost would be minimal.
In addition, a follow-up truck would be used to spray condensed bean juice to to feed the people and, again, to reinforced the adhesive bonds between them.
"I'm tired of all these people saying no to my wall. It's time that we start making progress by building a wall -- any wall," stated Mr. Trump. "And technically, we won't be departing them, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to get this approved. This is totally doable."
