Caribbean cruise line to include on-site dialysis center to attract Hispanics

Miami, FL -- Noting a link between diabetes and the drop in Hispanic families going on vacation, a Caribbean cruise line has announced that it will be including an on-site dialysis center in the hopes of encouraging Hispanics to plan a cruise and bring along their loved ones suffering from kidney failure.

"Travel in comfort, knowing that your loved one is near you, receiving his dialysis as he basks in the sun and sips a blood-orange margarita to the tune of seagulls and Chalino Sanchez," reads the tagline in brochures being mailed to Hispanic families by Fancy Caribbean, the biggest cruise company in the US.

In the early 90s, Caribbean cruises had begun to see an increase in the number of Hispanic clientele. Granted, a lot of them were actually Indians from India or dark skinned Asians, but nonetheless, the cruise industry felt that they were making great strides within the Hispanic community. Suddenly, diabetes happened, invading Hispanic families almost as fast as Coca Cola and Pan Dulce once did.

As a result, diabetes has become the number one reason why Hispanics are no longer able to go on cruises, dethroning the previous number one reason: "Un cruise, que chingaos es eso?" It is estimated that the vacation industry loses about 2 billion a year as a result of Hispanics being tethered to a family member at home requiring dialysis three times a week.

Fending off criticism that Fancy Caribbean is only interested in exploiting Hispanics, a spokesman for the industry responded by saying that they are merely providing culturally competent service. "We value the health of our prospective clients and wish to provide nothing but the best service possible. In fact, if all goes well, we also plan to introduce ER services in the tragic event that tio Beto requires an amputation while on vacation," remarked the spokesperson.

• Tweet