President Obama confident Latinos will once again believe his lies on immigration reform

src: wikipedia

Los Angeles, CA -- With the politics of his presidential re-election looming, President Barack Obama has decided that it's time to revisit the immigration issue and con gullible Latinos into supporting him once again. As part of his plan to dupe brown people out of their vote, President Obama is set to travel to Texas today, where he'll deliver a speech on immigration reform as he dangles a green card on a stick; the hope being that, similar to previous years, the prospects of a green card for immigrants will be enough to entice Latinos and make them believe all his lies.

The president's advisors have warned him about the growing frustration and anger in the Latino community due to his past lies and false promises on immigration reform, but Obama brushed these concerns off and reassured them that the green card on a stick plan will work again. Latinos, he said, will once again be so grateful to him that they'll be unaware of his deceit and will fling their support his way, helping him win the key battleground states of Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado and Florida, which now have an added count of electoral votes as a result of reapportionment and are more crucial than ever.

As part of his visit, the president has already distributed a new set of talking points that instructs outside allies to address the unpopular aspects of his administration with Latinos and twist them in any way possible, since Latinos will believe anything once the green card is dangled. The talking points include:

1) Although ICE has deported a record number of immigrants, the president already knew that, within a week, most of these deportees would be back in the US; therefore, the deportations were actually part of a bigger plan to revitalize the economy. Every deportation generated income for our economy: from the jail facilities, bus drivers, and office workers handling the paperwork, to the "coyote" smuggling the person and the taco stands selling them their first meal once they got back to the country. Everyone gained and therefore, if re-elected, Obama will make sure that Americans know how much immigrants sacrificed and helped the economy by being deported, which will make Americans more willing to pass comprehensive immigration reform.

2) Contrary to what people think, the Dream Act did pass congress, but it won't take effect until 2012, when the president is re-elected. The bill will include a free car, 1,000 dollars for books, and 2 jumbo size bags of hot Cheetos for every illegal student who wishes to pursue a higher education. The bill does, however, have a clause stating that if the president is not re-elected, there is no guarantee the bill will take effect.

3) In 2012, when the president is re-elected, immigrant Latinos will get a full path to citizenship, and the path will be painted gold, with murals on it's left painted by Diego Rivera and golden rivers on it's right filled with Moctezuma's gold. This path will be magical, but Latinos are warned, it will disintegrate if President Obama is not re-elected.

The president is confident about his plan, but so far, the Latinos that have been interviewed in anticipation of the president's speech have had nothing but negative things to say about him. Outside of a Home Depot in Culver City, CA, 3 day laborers were asked what they thought about the president and his commitment to immigration reform. One of them said "Bueno, pues le creimos cuando nos hablo bonito la ultima vez, pero 3 años despues, aqui nos vez, sin trabajo pa' comer", which translates to "Well, we believed him when he talked pretty to us last time, but 3 years later, here we still are, without work to pay for food". Outside of USC, one Latino student was asked if she knew about the president's upcoming speech, to which she replied: "Obama is stupid", as she walked away.

Three years ago, these day laborers and USC student would have gushed as they expressed their support for Obama. This year, the contrast is stark. We'll have to wait and see if the green card on a stick does the trick again, or backfires in the face of President Barack Obama, who talks big, but delivers in sign language.

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